Simply Stine

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When Social Media Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself

I feel like this post has been in my head for quite some time.  Maybe some of you reading this aren’t really affected by Social Media at all and for that I applaud you! However, I know that a lot of you reading this post are fellow Bloggers and you’re constantly having to be present online and you’re engaging with others. This can bring on lots of issues that I want to discuss and talk about my own experience with Social Media and what to do when social media makes you feel bad about yourself.

 

Social Media 101

 

Social Media can literally suck the happiness right out of you.  I’ve had days where I’m literally grinning from ear to ear I’m so dang happy and the next moment, after seeing Instagram stories, Snapchats and Facebook posts, I’m in a corner sobbing, questioning everything about myself and my life. #WhyDoWeDoThis 

To be honest, a lot of what you see on Social Media is complete BS.  How do I know this? Because I work in an industry that promotes and encourages showing only the “perfect” moments in your life.  Those “perfect” Instagram pictures that you’re seeing day after day from your favorite Bloggers are always often staged.  What?!? Yep!  I don’t think this is anything new that most people aren’t aware of, but when you see those pictures, just know that even the most simple of images was planned, staged and digitally edited.  I know this because I often fall trap of trying to be overly perfect with my own images in order to “keep up” with fellow Bloggers and you know what, it’s tough!

Pretty much what I experience when I look at Social Media anymore are the following:

  • Bloggers/YouTubers going to insane destinations that you’d only dream of going to
  • White, picture perfect kitchens, with marble granite countertops and the perfect accessories
  • Closets that are filled to the max with designer clothes, shoes and handbags. All perfect arranged of course
  • The perfect Beauty Blogger/YouTuber Set up complete with expensive ass camera equipment and all
  • So many brand-name products and they have every color, size and style that’s released
  • Picture perfect photographs of their #OOTD and #MOTD with no imperfections in sight
  • Likes, Comments and Engagement that are purchased, commented on by bots and aren’t authentic
  • Perfect offices with white desks that have zero mess on them

 

Social Media can be frustrating. Instead of seeing beautiful pictures like this, we're often left with feelings of frustration, comparing our live with others. I talk about Social Media and my experience today!

I’d like to see more posts like this. Just plain ol’ beautiful “things” and not sponsored post after sponsored post.  After a while, I’m done with all of that. 

Did you notice a lot of “perfect” being mentioned above? That’s because you feel this need to always produce perfect content.  Yes, I feel like with the work I do, I need to always bring my a-game, but there are days where I want to keep it real with you and just post a picture of me lounging in my pjs all day, with no makeup on, my hair looking a hot mess and my kitchen dirty as hell.  However, those posts don’t get many views, comments or likes.  People almost always expect perfection anymore and if you’re images, posts and stories don’t show “perfect” then you aren’t as liked as others and your engagement is crap.

When Social Media Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself and what to do about it!

Seeing images like this is more and more common on Instagram, etc.  While I love that everyone is traveling more, I also don’t want people to feel like crap because they can’t make this type of vacation happen! Trust me, not everyone is able to do international traveling all of the time! #IWish

When I’m on Instagram and other Social Media,  I feel like I’m pissed off.  Why? Because I can’t afford to trot to Europe on a whim when I want to.  Because my closet isn’t full of the latest and greatest and sometimes I’m limited to Target-only shopping sprees because my budget doesn’t allow me to shop in designer showrooms.  Because I work my ass off to produce good, quality images, but I feel like they’re never “enough.”  I get angry when I’m commenting on everyone elses’s stuff every.single.day and I’m also sharing your work and you never do the same!  #SettleDownStine  I hate that Social Media has become repeated images over and over again because everyone is recreating the same looks and sharing the same type of content. I want more originality.

Social Media can be amazing. The truth is, I’ve met many wonderful people who inspire me and support me every day and with everything I throw out there.  I just worry that for most people, you won’t see past the illusions that social media presents.  You don’t see the heavily edited photographs.  The perfect staged pictures and the sponsored trips.  As a Blogger, I want you to know that we don’t have to do this all of the time! We can be normal and still be liked! It’s ok to be authentic and not post the same images over and over again!

 

 

That Instagram post above? Yep, that took me over an hour to photograph and edit.  Just a simple Instagram picture isn’t always so simple.  Just an FYI! 

 

I realize the irony in this post.  I’m a Blogger who has openly admitted that I struggle with being a perfectionist.  I get sent numerous PR packages a month.  I get to work with brands that a lot of people would love to work with. I’ve personally been on vacations and attended work events that others only dream about (and I don’t mean that in a total bitchy way at all) but I think the point I’m trying to make is, at some point or another, we’re all gonna be a little “jealous” of others that we see online. It’s how you respond to what you see that makes all of the difference.

So right now, I want you to think about what I’m about to tell you. Take it in and think about it.  Your life and your journey aren’t the same as everyone else out there.  Those people you follow online, me included, aren’t living YOUR life.  Don’t compare your own life to others and the experiences they have.  Sure, it sucks sometimes when you see the opportunities and experiences some people get to have, BUT for me, it just makes me work that much harder at my own work and on myself.  Focus on you, not everyone else and I promise you, you will be so much happier.

 

 

Simply Stine (Beauty/Lifestyle Blogger in Atlanta) Tacking skincare, makeup, fashion and lifestyle topics.

  • Oh my gosh, so much YES. I was walking with a blogger friend last night and we had this same discussion! What she said to me really stuck: we see all these perfect images and need to remember that while these women seem to have it all together, they’re losing it all somewhere else. Life is a balance wheel and no one had a perfect life. I struggle with this so much as I’m also a perfectionist, and I’ll admit that I’ve faced a lot of unhappy moments this year because of this social media obsession. We all fall victim to it, but how do we break that cycle? Another amazing post, friend.

    • Christine C.

      I’d love to break the cycle and I wish I knew the answer as to how we accomplish it. It’s tough because I want people to still be authentic and not feel this constant need to have “perfect” content and images all of the time, but I get it. It’s what brands want. It’s what brings in more engagement and such. I want to keep things real as often as I can! At least I’m trying to!!!! PS You are the best! I always love reading your comments and I LOVE reading your posts. You inspire me so much!

  • Theresa

    This was a very “real” post. Social media can often portray the “perfect” life with the “perfect” products, skin, clothes, vacations, etc.. I hope that most realize (that it is what you described) – a lot of work going into producing that perfect picture of whatever it is being shown or talked about. Sure, there are those that are able to take great vacations, have the best clothing, jewelry and skincare available. But I don’t believe that is the majority of people – especially not all of the time. I applaud this post. Keep it real. I enjoy seeing things from all aspects of life! I will probably not be able to buy a lot of things that are shown and talked about, but I appreciate seeing what is available to others. And I do enjoy reading it all.

    • Christine C.

      I know for a fact that I probably even come across as annoying as hell sometimes on Social Media and blog posts, but it’s not that I”m trying to “show off” it’s just that I have a love of beauty and fashion and unfortunately for me, that’s where I spend a lot of money occasionally. Seeing pictures of handbags and such might seem like I have the “perfect” life and I can get whatever I want, but that’s hardly the case. That’s what I always try to tell myself when I see pictures of others that they are posting.

      • Theresa

        I don’t think people are usually showing off (at least I hope not), but being a beauty blogger you have access to many products and post about them. I get that. I would love to have all your “stuff” for a couple weeks! ha Then I’d be over it. No really, I learn a lot from your posts and others. I would have no idea all of the things that are available, especially since I live in a small town and don’t shop that often….and have a small splurge budget. But I also realize that actual work goes into these pictures, layouts, etc. and that shows you care about what you do on your blog. I do love it when someone does a “normal day” post though.

        • Christine C.

          Maybe I’ll do a normal day post…people might be surprised! HA!

  • I can totally relate to this and this is “kind of exactly” (LOL) what I was experiencing when I decided to take a break from blogging and try to start over with the re launch. I don’t really ever find myself getting jealous, but i do find myself freaking out because I don’t know how to do everything else that other bloggers are doing. (Like coding for themselves, being practically professional photographers, and understanding all the blog lingo such as SEO etc…) It is all so overwhelming. But there are many plus sides to blogging as well like all of the great people we get to come in contact with and especially when a friendship blooms. 🙂

    • Christine C.

      I have made some of the most amazing friendships through my Blog and I am beyond thankful for that! Yourself included! I think that sometimes, we feel this pressure that we have to be like everyone else. I laugh all of the time when yo tell me about how great my photos and stuff are because honestly, I just will never see it that way. Your blog is amazing. Don’t worry about the other stuff. Don’t let all of that overwhelm you!

  • cpbebe

    beautifully written, so poignant and true. I feel this from time to time and get the need to disconnect. Thankfully I am from a generation that just connects on FB mostly, but I can only imagine the perfection pressures for my daughter’s generation, teens who are just figuring out how to engage with the world and forming their self images through the lens of social media, immortalized in digital images. Keeping them grounded becomes an even more important task.

    • Christine C.

      I honestly feel for my Nieces because I can’t imagine what they will go through when they are growing up. It’s a tough society and the constant pressure to be “perfect” and live that “instagram life” scares me for them. Keeping yourself and everyone else grounded has never been so important! Thank you for commenting! You have an amazing way with words!

  • You say this so well! Many of these are reasons why I stopped blogging for several months. I hadn’t even planned on starting again, but I genuinely missed doing it. So, I decided I would blog how I wanted to and not worry about what anyone else was doing. I felt so much (internal) pressure to be on social media all the time or post all the time, even when I wasn’t feeling it. Now, I blog or post on social media when I feel like it, and it works so much better for me. It is hard to see all of the perfect pictures and wonder if I’m somehow doing it wrong, but I try to not let that bother me anymore. Thank you so much for posting about this! It’s something that so many of us deal with.

    • Christine C.

      I’m so happy that you decided to not fully stop because I feel like when we do that, we’re letting those voices in our head win. The voices that tell us we have to be “perfect” like everyone else and so on. Blog how you want to blog. Share what you want to share. It’s authentic and it comes from you-people will still always read it!

  • Yes to all of this!! I know I usually show the “polished” aspect of my life on social. When I take selfies, 90% of the time I’m wearing pajama bottoms. Honestly, I’m afraid to get more “real” because I’m afraid of losing what little followers I have. The struggle is REAL. 😞

    • Christine C.

      I think I’m at a point where I’m just going to give my readers the real me because that’s me!!! I shouldn’t have to always be so put together and guarded….at least I hope I don’t!

  • Paola Olivieri

    You couldn’t have said it better. Is something i struggle with every single day. Thanks for sharing.

    • Christine C.

      You are so welcome!

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  • (Lindsay’s post sent me here!) – yeah, this. I’m the same way — I want to see real & relatable. I, like most people, love beautiful things but those beautiful things for me can be the beach town I live in, an awesome sunset, NYC views, and my friends/family. I am not a millionaire, I don’t wear Louboutins (I can’t even spell it) and I don’t live in the perfect dream world. I know no one does, but I’m not interested in pretending I do, either. The world needs more realness so we have people to relate to and know we’re all not so different 🙂

    • Christine C.

      I can’t even spell it, LOL!!! We so need more realness because honestly, we’re all in the same boat more than we realize!! Thanks for stopping by!

  • Like Allison, Lindsay has led me to several of your posts lately. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! I’m a counselor and life coach and the majority of issues that women struggle with are simply trying to keep up with someone else. It’s true that the messes of our lives aren’t always pretty but there is also something beautiful about knowing others have a bed that isn’t mad or a kitchen that needs to be cluttered. Hope you don’t mind if I share your post tomorrow on my Friday Favorites. So glad to have found you!

    • Christine C.

      I don’t mind at all! Sorry I’m just now responding to this! Social Media does mess with our lives and puts false ideas in our head of what our live “should” be like. I hope that writing this and sharing my thoughts on the topic, that it will even help one person out their who feels like they can’t be their real, authentic self online.

  • YES, yes, yes!!! Preach it girl! I can’t say yes enough! If you look back at my account several months back, my pictures felt real, in the moment and authentic. Now they are totally staged and “perfect” looking. Don’t get me wrong, I love the look of them and I actually enjoy taking pictures — but it’s so misleading sometimes.
    Social media sometimes gets me down in the dumps…I can’t afford all the crazy expensive bags, shoes…much less luxe vacations. So I do get a little green with envy. Which is sad…
    You seriously hit the nail on the head with this one, friend!

    • Christine C.

      Oh I appreciate the hell out of a good flat lay and such, BUT I also love looking at “real” pictures that aren’t staged. That are in the moment. That aren’t perfectly crisp and clear. Social Media can be a real pain the A&$ sometimes but it shouldn’t be. It should be a place to connect with others, share a story and so on. Instead, sometimes it makes us feel inadequate and very, very alone.

  • I just finished scrolling through Instagram and i’m feeling pretty bummed. This is exactly what I needed to read! It’s hard to not play the game and make everything look perfect because that’s what gets the engagement! Ugh.

    • Christine C.

      You see it more and more! I say be authentic and show real life!!

  • I suck at getting time to blog comment, but I wanted to make sure to come back to this and tell you how much I enjoyed it (even though I told you already on fb lol). I love that us bloggers are starting to open up about these things. We gotta stop this constant need for perfection!

    • Christine C.

      Thank you!!! We’ve talked about this before but I think it’s such an important conversation for us to have! I get so frustrated daily because of the things I see, but most importantly because of the tone that it’s setting for younger generations, etc.

  • GIRL you nailed it. I always try (and usually fail) to remember that I’m seeing the BEST of everyone else, you know? Also laughing at #settledownstine hahah. I feel like you should frame that somewhere.

    • Christine C.

      HAHA that hashtag just came to me. I loved it!

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  • I am clicking over from another blogger’s post who mentioned you – and I just wanted to thank you for being so open and candid with this. Really. Thank you. People fail to realize that there is so much more going on beyond what is posted and presented on social media. There is a very real person with a very real life – but people don’t see it. They see perfection. Love this. Thank you!

    • Christine C.

      Thank you so much for coming over and reading my post! That means so much to me!

  • I always love these type of posts from you, it’s like you are in my head sometimes. The past few months I have felt so drained with the trying to keep up thing, officially over it. Comparison robs us of joy.

    • Christine C.

      Comparison does no one any good at all! I am glad that you enjoyed the post!!

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